Me, Myself and My Complaints
by dizzi-izzi
Summary: Ever complained about something? Wanna change it all? Well too bad. The Yugioh characters are however...are lucky...


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Disclaimers: I don't own Yugioh. I probably don't want to own it now, after I've mingled with it. My psychiatrists told me to wash my hands afterwards though. 

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Warnings: PG-13 ratings. Mild Shounen-ai (possibility?) Random Yaoi Moments. Abuse of abusive language and other people's behinds. Be warned.

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Me, Myself and My Complaints

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Part I

Eerie classical music plays in a background of what looked like a cheap rip-off backdrop from a B grade Dracula movie. In between the dark maroon and black there is a chair. A cheap plastic blue chair. Yes, it was _those_ sinister cheap plastic blue chairs that have no back support and therefore, at a proven success rate of 90% of the time, makes the sitter of the chair consequently fall down backwards in the pretence that the chair had a back support. Yes it was a devil of a chair. It was a sad excuse for a chair. Eh, take that stupid chair. 

Now in this chair, as sad as it sounds, was a body. Hopefully it was a body of a teenage girl, lest the stage crews were pissed drunk again and decided to replace it with a manikin with the waist size of a 12 year old and a bosom of a 25 year old woman. But we all know that's just ridiculous. Eh, no one in this world is that perfect.

"Goode eevenin," hissed a dodgy Count Dracula impersonation. So much for the work experience girl. "Hey! I resent that!" the girl shouted in the dark room to, apparently, nobody. "Cheap…lousy…pay…$5 a day my ass," muttered the girl, but of course we all heard that. This is a fanfiction for devil's sake. Now let the show begin!

"Geez, talk about over-dramatic. Uh, hello. I'm the work experience girl, aka the hostess of this show, aka Andy," said the girl that was sitting in the chair, who is now 'Andy'. "And if you're wondering why on earth my parents gave a boy's name to their obviously female daughter, with fully functional female body parts I might add, don't ask me. But my boyfriend sure has a lot of hard time introducing me to his friends. They all think he's gay. I don't know why really," she added, shaking her head before waving and blowing a kiss to someone backstage. "I love ya Richie!"

"Luv ya too hun! So, d'ya think red or black suits me more, darling? Huh?" Everyone shuddered at the perky male voice. Yes, we all knew about Richie's _'problems'_ since he came here. Sadly Andy doesn't know yet of this _'problem'_, or of him being attracted to, yes you guessed it…no one should be that perky in the morning… Yes, it's definitely the caffeine addiction. 

"The red one!" shouted Andy, before tuning back into the camera in front of her. She sighed before continuing in a monotonous tone, "And now, back to what I was hired for: introducing the new," she visibly shuddered, " 'ass-spanking' show for this summer in Domino 'Me, Myself and My Complaints'." Random peasants cheer. "Yep, it's just as you all feared. Since we've heard so much of the characters of Yugioh complain their asses off, we decided to let them keep their," she shuddered again, " 'perky lil' asses' and set 'em up for this exciting new show." More random peasants cheer. "Now to our characters, and here comes the first." Random peasants were shot. They were annoying.

"Hi, my name's Yugi Moto and I'm short." The spotlights shone on the said teen. And yes he was short, minus the multicoloured spiky hair. With the spiky hair, he was still short. Even when he turned into Yami, he was still short. Yep, this kid was damn short. 

"Awe, poor Yugi, our main protagonist and he's vertically challenged," Andy sneered. Readers and Yugi Lovers must forgive her, since it's now her 'Let's-play-dress-up' with Richie time that's being wasted. "And the lousy pay too, you cheap bastards!" Yes that too. 

"I challenge you to a Duel!" shouted Yami, who has now taken over Yugi's body. See? He's still short, the little squirt. 

_Due to licensing regulations and the low budget of this production, Yu-Gi-Oh and all of its related merchandise are hereby seized under the rule of the Commonwealth Copyright Act 101 page 125, section 1.5 – _

Everyone stared blankly at the bottom of the screen. Silence, since we already shot all the peasants. That means no Duel Monsters you idiots. Everyone 'awed' and 'ahhed'. And then some. 

"NOOOO!" screamed Yami in a voice that was not natural for someone as old as he. "How am I going to live? How am I going to feed the children?" Let's ignore the fact that he was already dead and that his children were with their mother. Lying peacefully and of course, dead. Dead and locked far far away, deep inside an ancient Egyptian tomb in Egypt. Let's face it, not everyone can be a Yami. Thank gods.

"Alright," snapped Andy, "next is Ryou Bakura, apparently complaining about his 'Yami'."

"Yes," the spotlight now shone at the white haired youth. "Erm, my main complaint is that my yami," he started before his features started to darken and his mouth twitched into a sneer, "The wonderful Tomb Robber of all times, Bakura," his features switched again and softened, "Keeps on taking over _MY_ BODY!" he yelled. 

Everyone was stunned. Everyone was shocked. Not because Ryou, the always quiet and well-mannered kid, yelled or that his face kept on switching enough to give Michael Jackson a run for his money. Oh no siree, definitely not that. It was because the chicken had crossed the road. Yes, the chicken had finally had enough courage to cross the road to its local KFC store to complain about how their chips were more fattening than the ones at McDonalds. You go, chicken. 

And back to the show, where our second contestant was still switching back and forth between him and his 'Yami' and continuing his 'rambling' "Not to mention people think I'm schizophrenic and Bakura…"

"Me," said the huskier voice of Bakura, aka Tomb Robber, aka Mr I-Like-Shiny-Shiny-Things. "Who shall take over the world when I get all the Millennium Items and who…"

"Is a kleptomaniac," finished Ryou.

"And they get more and more interesting," muttered Andy darkly, picking a spot on her chin. "It's a miracle they haven't sent you two to the mental asylum," she said, shaking her head.

"Oh they have," said the now smirking Bakura.

"Sent us right back, telling us we were 'mentally incurable' or something," said Ryou. Everyone backed a few metres away from the boy like he had an infectious disease. Yep, it was common for people to have the flu this season. Poor Ryou had been bed ridden for days. And yes, having the flu was a bitch.

The day couldn't get any worse, that is unless a tall, dark stranger, most likely some CEO dude of a big game company, suddenly stalks into the room, started acting all OOC and singing to the song 'Turning Japanese'. Then you're in deep shit. 

TBC…?

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Outtakes 1: Yaoi Moments

"Yep, it's just as you all feared. Since we've heard so much of the characters of Yugioh complain their asses off, we decided to let them keep their," she shuddered again, " 'perky lil' asses'." All the Yami(s) (ies) cheer. 

"…"

"…"

What? Can't I have my yaoi moments?

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"Me," said the huskier voice of Bakura, aka Tomb Robber, aka Mr I-Like-Shiny-Shiny-Things. Not those kinds of things you pervert. "Who shall take over the world when I get all the Millennium Items and Malik's shiny Millennium Rod too!"

"…"

"…"

Fine, it's not that kind of rod either. Jeez, ever heard of yaoi people?

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That means no Duel Monsters you idiots. Everyone 'awed' and 'ahhed'…and moaned and (insert explicit yaoi content). And them some.

"…"

"…"

ALL RIGHT! THEY DIDN'T SCREW LIKE BUNNIES BECAUSE THEY WERE BORED? HAPPY? Damn PG-13 ratings.

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Well there you have it viewers, the first installation of the story. Some of you might think this is just random insanity that we're throwing at your pug faces, but we assure it isn't. This is not a random insanity. All of our insanity streaks were carefully selected and tested to ensure that our readers have the most insane quality insanity offered to them at an insanely low price. Have a nice day and REVIEW! (and play nicely). Stay tuned into MM&MC! (Yes, Richie will make more appearances I assure you).


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